Death of a Superhero

A Family's Story about Courage, Bravery and the Defining Moments of LOVE

Our sweet, lil' baby love lost his battle to AML Leukemia on March 8, 2010. We fought long, hard and very aggressively for 2.5 years, only to have his cancer come back for the fourth time to finally take his life. He was only 3 years old.

This entire blog is about Hunter's amazing journey. It's about his life and his love......his determination and his courage.......his absolutely, brilliant personality, and the affect he's had on people all over the world.

He's left an unimaginable footprint on this earth and has changed the lives of thousands of individuals. People who didn't realize how precious life was, now live it with extreme gratefulness. People who took every minute they get to spend with their children for granted, now savor every last second. And people who weren't quite sure what love is all about, now love deeper, love stronger and love with every ounce of their soul.

People all around the world have shared their love, their well wishes, their prayers and their inspiration, and we could have NEVER achieved as much as we did without them. We are humbled by their generosity & their true friendships & are forever grateful for every last person that has come into our lives through our experience with Hunter. He was our precious baby love who we loved and cherished with all our hearts and we are forever crushed and terribly, broken-hearted.

Dance in the clouds baby cakes. Mom & dad are watching proudly & you will remain so very close to our hearts for all of eternity.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

The Death of a Superhero




Our world as we know it has caved in..........caved in deep.......we are in a tunnel of darkness and it seems as if the healing white light is way out of our reach. In fact, it seems as if we'll never reach it.....it's going to be a slow motion chase that feels as if it will last forever. Our everlasting sorrow over these last few days has led us to believe that the days ahead of us look extremely painful, overwhelmingly fragile and completely unlivable.

It wasn't supposed to happen this fast. We've clearly been blind sided by an evil that wasn't supposed to return. His life wasn't supposed to be taken in such a short amount of time. We knew the end was near.........but we didn't think it was breathing down our necks. We thought we'd have 1 to 6 months...........we were only given 3 weeks.

I am not quite sure how or where to begin.........I don't know what is going to be too harsh to post. I don't how how much everyone can handle. It will truly damage your heart, it will definitely stick a dagger in your soul and it will forever change the way love and heartache rests in your minds.

We witnessed our child dying.

We saw and heard Hunter's last breaths.

He was in our arms when his body went limp and his life force was taken. We've lost our little love..........forever.

We begged and pleaded for him to hang on. I kept begging Zen to keep putting the oxygen mask back on his face. But he was already gone. I just kept thinking "c'mon baby, just breathe, c'mon love.........just a couple more breaths before you leave us........we just want one more smile, or one more giggle, just open your eyes......we just want to hear your voice.............one last time. Please don't go yet.......please don't go...".





And all of a sudden - our time was up.






Zen and I have seen things in the last 6 days that no parent should ever have to lay their eyes upon. Brutal images are burned into our heads and our wonderful memories with Hunter now seem to be sprinkled with the devils dust. What happened to Hunter was very cruel. It's twisted, it's gut wrenching and it's truly just to unbearable to face.

Hunter was taken by the angels at 11:25 pm on Monday, March 8th. They spread their wings, swooped down, lifted him up and carried him off. His beautiful soul was gone, his amazing and contagious giggle was no longer heard, his sweet and innocent being was no longer present and his heart that was so full of love and graciousness..........was no longer beating.




The coroner was ready to take him as soon as he passed - but we weren't quite ready to let him go just yet. We had a few more things to say to him, we had a few more snuggles to get in and we had lots more smooches to lay upon his precious little body.

We laid with him, we whispered wonderful and encouraging and extremely thankful blessings into his ear. We let him know what an amazing child he was and that mom and dad are standing proudly by his side, cheering him on, wishing him the best and most deserved journey that he was so unfairly cheated out of here on this earth.

We bathed his lifeless body and dressed him in his Iron Hunter Tee. We rocked him and comforted him and let him know that he will do nothing but rise above and put on stellar performances in his next life...........where his body will be healthy, vibrant and free and clear of all horrid diseases.






The coroner arrived at 5:30am to take him away. The moment we had feared so intensely the last two 1/2 years of our life had finally arrived. We still weren't ready to have him depart from our life. It was amazing how I still wanted to fight for the right to keep him with us.......I didn't want to accept that the fight was over. We lost. And we are now another set of parents that are leaving the children's hospital, after a battle that lasted years.............without their child.



We were slowly escorted out, along with security, as we carried his body outside to be laid on the stretcher. Our hearts and minds couldn't really take in the reality that was playing out right before our eyes. We were about to lay our precious love into a body bag.

It's an image that we will never forget.

It's an image that I can't shake and it's a memory I didn't ever want. To carry the weight of that visual seems to bury me in a mound of sand until I am paralyzed and then it suffocates me to where I am constantly trying to catch my breath...........wanting so desperately to forget it. Our reality right now is truly devastating and it hurts so bad.........so bad.



On the walk back to the empty hospital room - my legs wouldn't take any more steps and my body just gave in...........Zen caught me on my way down and we sobbed our most painful and hurtful tears and then he held me tight all the way back to the room. I vomited, we sobbed some more, we packed up our things and we left the room where our little love died.

We laid Hunter to rest on Thursday, March 11th. Once again, we felt the need to see him one more time and let him know how much he was loved. Zen and I have never felt a love so fierce and so amazingly rewarding in our entire lives. We've never fought so hard for a love that should have survived.






Hunter was a true fighter. He embraced life every day as if there was nothing to lose and nothing to fear. He had no idea what was coming. He had no idea that death was waiting at the doorstep. We are forever grateful for that. He was such a sweet soul. He was so kind and so funny and so loving. He didn't deserve to live his last days afraid. And we feel extremely fortunate that he didn't. Such a brave and courageous little soul.

Zen and I never knew how amazing love could be until we experienced the love of our child. Our hearts were consumed and full to the rim with love for Hunter. And now it's as if our hearts have died. We are standing here left by ourselves to scrape these badly beaten hearts off the ground and give them new life. And it seems impossible since our strongest life force is no longer with us.

Hunter was the single greatest experience of our lives. We have no regrets. Not one. And despite the brutal challenges and despite the overwhelming amounts of pain and suffering........we graciously and gratefully lived our life for him........and we couldn't have asked for a better king.





Hunter.......our dear, sweet, precious love.......may you rest in peace with an over abundance of love, light and smiles. Know that you've changed the lives of many and have left the most wonderful and inspiring footprint that could have ever been imagined. Mom and dad will never do anything except embrace your wonderful being and carry you with us for all of eternity. You've enhanced our life, you've enhanced our love, you've enhanced our spirits. You've made us whole and you will live on in us forever. With so much love and tenderness, mom and dad.

99 comments:

Vic said...

Hi,

You don't know me. I've never met you. I've never posted here.

But I'm here. I'm writing because I came across this blog and I have to reach out to you and say just how utterly sorry I am. I'm so, utterly and completely sorry that your ray of sunshine, your gorgeous little Hunter has been ripped away from you. I'm sorry I don't know what else to do. How else to help.

I'm sending you my best, most heartfelt prayers.

Matt said...

There are no words in any language that can possibly describe this. But somehow, you were able to let us in and share the unspeakable grief. Even in the depths of darkness you find yourself in.

"We've never fought so hard for a love that should have survived."

Your bravery as a family will never be forgotten.

Goodnight, sweet Prince.

Leslie said...

I am so, so sorry.

I don't know what else to say other than I know your hearts are broken. I know your little love is gone. But I wish you peace and love.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Emily said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Laura Dodd wrote about Hunter on her blog, and that led me to your website... I can't imagine the pain you must be feeing, but I know Hunter's amazing spirit will live on in the lives of those who knew and loved him. I wish you peace and light in the days ahead. You'll be in my prayers.

Mrs. Howe said...

I heard about your beautiful little Hunter on Momversation from Daphine Brogdon and I just wanted to tell you how terribly sorry I am to hear about your loss. He was truly an amazing little boy I can not even imagine what you are going through right now. My heart breaks for you and your family and I just wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayer.

Jacqueline said...

I don't know you or your family. I've been reading your blog, though, and I was praying for a miracle.
I'm so, so sorry. Saying these words in light of your loss seems so inadequate. How can those words encompass the pain that you are feeling right now?
They are meant sincerely, though, and with love. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Anonymous said...

This is the saddest post I've ever read. And I can't help but cry and cry and cry for your beatiful boy. The photos tell a lot; they're heart wrenching.

I'm sure you feel like the light of life has been taken away from you - like forever. But keep in mind that there are people constantly thinking of you and prayin for you all around the world.

And may God give patience to both of you until the day you'll reunite with your sweet Hunter.

Loves from Turkey.

christine said...

Thank you so much for sharing what you have. I know it is not enough, it can never be enough, but thousands and thousands of hearts are broken along with yours. Not in the same way of course - but we're here, grieving and crying with you. On to bigger and better things, precious Hunter...but we'll sure miss you here.

Anonymous said...

You and Zen don't know me, but I'm here, and I have to tell you that I am crying hot tears for your unimaginable loss.

I am so very sorry. Sorry for this pain, sorry for losing Hunter. Sorry that this happened to you.

He was so beautiful. So perfectly beautiful.

I'll hold him in my heart for so long, he was that wonderful. I remember watching how much fun he had blowing out candles.

I'm very sorry.

Alexandra

Paula said...

I'm so sad, and I'm so sorry for your family and all who have been touched by Hunter's life.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear of this sad loss. Hunter was such a courageous little boy & his smile/laugh was infectious! i loved to see him dance & remember his beautiful soulful eyes. once again im so sorry for the hurt and pain you feel. you and zen are very strong of course cuz thats where hunter got it from! you two will lean on eachother and comfort eachother. the nurses here at childrens LA express their sympathy
renee rn.

Amanda said...

I am sitting here at work, sobbing for you and your family and sweet Hunter. I don't know you but so much wish I could hug you and hold you up right know. You are all in my heart. Hunter will never be forgotten.
xo

Anonymous said...

I am so, so sorry. I, for one, will never forget Hunter.

Anonymous said...

I'm so very very sorry.

I wish I could say more, do more..I'm so sorry.

Kayla said...

I thought I shed tears for your little angel last week BUT today's tears can not even compare. Your pictures broke my heart. The pain in your faces twisted my heart. Nothing I can say will make any difference BUT I will tell you that your gorgeous little boy and his amazing story will stay with me!

LOVE
kayla

Krystle said...

I've never written on here before, but I recently discovered your blog about your hero Hunter and was overwhelmed by his story and by your deep love for him and all of the support and strength you passed onto him even in all of the moments you felt like maybe you couldn't.
I have a son who will be three this month and the pictures of his lightning mcqueen really struck me and made me cry my eyes out because my son, as well, is so in love with 'Cars'.
I truly am sorry for his loss, but I know he will still be with you every day and wouldn't have wanted anyone else to care for him and kiss him and love him other than you two.
I know he's watching over you and is smiling away with all the angels.
I wish for you all the strength in the world to make it through this difficult time.

Chez Zizi said...

HI, I came across your blog through another blogger. I am deeply sorry for your loss and pain.
Zizette

LaFemmina said...

I don't know you personally, but my heart is hurting, the tears are flowing and i feel broken right now.

Through your blog Hunter became a part of my life and I want you to know that he will remain in my heart forever a "SUPERHERO"

My prayers are with you and know that no matter how short the time was you were blessed to have been a part of his life.

Anonymous said...

I just came across your blog last week - just wanted you to know how deeply touched I am by the story of your brave boy. I strongly believe that he finally found his peace and you and Zen will find joy in life again, and that Hunter will always be a part of your life.

Anonymous said...

This is not fair. Life is not fair. I feel so very, very sorry for you both. May you find some kind of peace on this earth. Please try to be strong. Your story goes beyond any depths of sadness I have ever known. I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy.

Kelly said...

You are truly amazing parents. The love is overwhelming. I hate that he was taken away too soon from you, but I love that he was given to you. I am not sure anyone else could have packed in so much love into such a short lifetime. There is a reason he was yours.

Kristine Che said...

i am so sorry and I will think about you and Hunter often in the coming weeks. I don't know what else to say.....

~ Jolene said...

I came across your blog and feel compelled to send you my deepest and most heartfelt condolences. I am so, so sorry that your beautiful little boy was taken from his earth. You are in my prayers.

May you rest in peace sweet Hunter and run free in the clouds.

christine said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Your little boy was brave and I can't imagine what you have been through...christine

tara said...

Your Hunter has changed my life, your hunter has made me love my son more dearly, your hunter has made me see the small things in life that do matter....your Hunter changed lived. I am so sorry for your loss, so sorry that Hunter suffered one day in this world. You are so amazing and so strong and he is so lucky to have had parents like you...your photos grip my heart and I will never be the same. May God hold you close to Hunter always. Much love, Matt, Tara and Gavin.

Anonymous said...

I can’t find the words. Nothing is adequate. I just wanted you to know that a stranger cares for you. Is praying for you. Is heartbroken for you. Hang on to each other. Hang on.

With deepest condolences,

Rhonda

Laura said...

I've been following your blog and praying for Hunter for some time now. My heart aches for you both. I am sure you know how far reaching Hunter's amazing spirit has been. Thank you for sharing him with us. He will never be forgotten.

My prayers remain with you and Zen as you mourn the loss of your precious boy. I am so sorry.

Jodie said...

I pray for the day where you might think of your son, smile, and feel only joy, and none of the grief that consumes you now. I pray for the day where the two of you have nothing but happiness and laughter in your lives. And I pray that all the goodness that has been spread into the world by you choosing to share Hunter's story, comes back to you ten fold. God Bless.
Jodie Nguyen

Anonymous said...

I dont know you, we've never met, I live in Northern Ireland, I cant remember how I came to know of Hunter but I can tell you I will remember your family forever. Hold each other tight and know that your wee boy Hunter has touched the lives of many throughout the world. I have no wise, comforting words for you. What has happened is wrong, very very wrong! Sending you love, hugs and strength to face tomorrow and the day after and the day after that. Much love Donna (NI)

Anonymous said...

I wasn't sure I could read your post, however, am so glad you shared. Hunter will be remembered as the remarkable child he was, with even more remarkable parents. Hopefully--all the memories you have in your short time together will help you get through the next few years. Our prayers and thoughts are with you even though you don't know us. Your sharing was extremely brave and gave all of us a reminder about how fragile life is. Thank you. Your photos will remain with me, they were spectacular and touching. Jerri, John, Jason and Jared....

Rosemary said...

Hi,
You don't know me, but I know Tara.
I am so very sorry for your loss, and I will keep you and Hunter in my prayers.
Rosemary

DREW'S MOM said...

I am SOOOO incredibly sorry for your loss.... for the worlds loss.

Flambo said...

Oh my god. I am so so so heartbroken. I weep every time I come back to this blog, even though we have never met. This is a true injustice. He is such a beautiful soul, and you two are beautiful for bringing him into the world.

Thank you for posting your photos and your words. Hunter will never be forgotten, and the journey all of you have been through gives something precious to everyone you encounter.

Much love and much strength in the dark times ahead.

Anonymous said...

I've been following your story for sometime now. I am very sorry for your loss.Hunter was a brave little boy. My boyfriend also has leukemia and just had a stem cell transplant 2 weeks ago. And i know how difficult it is to watch someone you love go through something so horrible. Hunter will be in my prayers & in my thoughts. Also so will you and your husband. Once again i am so sorry.

* we will miss you hunter.

Anonymous said...

I've been following your story for sometime now. I am very sorry for your loss.Hunter was a brave little boy. My boyfriend also has leukemia and just had a stem cell transplant 2 weeks ago. And i know how difficult it is to watch someone you love go through something so horrible. Hunter will be in my prayers & in my thoughts. Also so will you and your husband. Once again i am so sorry.

* we will miss you hunter

Anonymous said...

I came across your blog yesterday through another blog... and when I saw the pictures of Hunter's passing... I almost got sick when I realized that's what they were because they were so incredibly sad and real and brutal and honest. But I came back today because I thought... those poor people had to live through that... the least I can do is read it. To say I'm sorry for your loss... doesn't even begin to cut it. I read a few of your other posts and your love for Hunter is just so evident and your heartbreak over his loss is just as evident. I pray that you and Zen will find some peace. Sending healing thoughts and prayers and most importantly love your way from NJ. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.

kensingtonlawyer said...

I am so very, very sorry for your loss. It is all too familiar. I appreciate your honesty on this blog and in sharing with others the dreadful nature of pediatric AML. God Bless you all at this most difficult of times.

Praying for you both,

Monica Miyashita, Mom to ^Liddy^ another AML Angel
www.caringbridge.org/visit/lydialimeieikomiyashita

Anonymous said...

i keep trying to think of something helpful to say but no words are enough...this story has made me cry...real true tears..i don't even know you or your precious child...i haven't cried in over 4 years. the last time i cried, i was miscarrying my third child at home...thank you for sharing your beautiful child and letting me 'feel' your love for him. i understand that love. i am so sorry.

Anonymous said...

I am so, so sorry. Hunter was such a beautiful boy (those eyelashes!), and your family is truly incredible. It's obvious from your photos that Hunter adored his parents completely (or almost as much as you adore him).

I cannot imagine the depths of your sorrow, and I am so sorry I can't do anything to help ease your pain.

Please know you are held in the hearts, thoughts and prayers of more people than you could possibly imagine.

Pat Castillo said...

I know your friend Cody and Jessica. I've been praying for you and your family for some weeks now. Even though I knew Hunter had passed away last week, and even though I cried really hard last week, it was nothing compared to crying as I read this post. I have 2 boys--and I can't imagine how hard life must be right now for you. Just know that I am very, so very sorry, for your loss. And I'm praying for you...You both should be very proud of the love you showered on Hunter--he was just as blessed as you were...

I'm so sorry...

Julie said...

I am so sorry...

Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

I could not read this and then just walk away. I am completely haunted and very very angry that this happened to such a precious little boy. This is not fair at all, such an ugly disease. I went deeper into your blog so I could see Hunter before and what a beautiful little guy. You both did right by him. I hope someday your memories will give you comfort. Thank you for letting me know Hunter just a little bit, I will never forget him.

Anonymous said...

We are healthcare workers who had a small interaction with you and Hunter last summer. At one point you handed me a lip balm that said "Hunter's the balm" and I still use it...and think of your family. We went to your blog, and we have been following it ever since. Our hearts dropped when we read your last post, and we wish that we could express the ache that we feel; We are filled with sorrow for you and we think you are so brave. Please know that your family is in our thoughts and prayers, and you will be for the rest of our lives.

Rebecca and Andrea

Anonymous said...

I was involved with Hunters care last summer in Radiation Medicine.
I was walking into work early on March 9th only to see a big red wagon loaded up with bags...Zen pulling it and you crying your eyes out. My eye caught a folded up stroller...empty. This was like a punch in my gut and will be forever etched in my memory. I am so sorry....Hunter was an amazing little guy and you two the most amazing parents. I have children myself and I know the kind of love a parent has for a child....to me it is an overwhelming love, one that cannot even be fully expressed with words...my heart aches for you.

EileenJay said...

Dear Lenore and Zen,

I've been reading your blog for a while now, and I just wanted to tell you how very deeply your story has touched my heart. I'm aching for you both, and your darling Hunter. You all fought so hard. This is just breaking my heart.

I want to thank you for sharing this journey, while difficult to read, also enlightening and inspiring.

Lenore and Zen, I know you have NO STRENGTH left. But please, summon up what ever you can for each other from this day forward. It may be hard sometimes.

Thinking of you in NY,
Eileen.

eliza said...

I am so very, very sorry about your loss. Words are inadequate.

I came across your blog via Momversations. I wanted to let you know that I am so deeply touched by your sharing, as heart-wrenching as it is. Your words and photos convey ultimate deep, deep, soul-touching love. Your son, though I never met him, will also live in on in my memory, as will your example as parents. It reminds me that life is truly a gift, not be taken for granted.

Thank you. My heart is with you and your family, and with your son.

Victoria said...

This is crushing news. I wrote about Hunter and my own story as a stem cell donor for The Huffington Post. Hunter's story will for sure save a life somewhere. People joined the registry because of Hunter and I hope they will continue to do so. Visit www.bethematch.org. So so sorry for your loss there are no real words. He was a beautiful boy.

Tricia said...

I know that there are no words that could possibly mean what I want them to today.
Thank you for being so brave. Thank you for sharing the story of your precious Hunter, and of your blessed family.
My heart breaks for your loss. Please know that you are in my prayers, and that I wholeheartedly believe, I know that God will bring you two through this.


With love and prayers,
XO*Tricia

Rosa said...

Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful Hunter with us. I am so saddened by this loss. I wish you and your family peace. What a wonderful love you all had. My heart goes out to you all.

Laura F. said...

It has taken me awhile to gather any possible thoughts for you Zen & Lenore. There are no words that I could express that would adequately provide the peace and comfort that you both deserve. You are all “Superheroes” because you have exemplified the strength and power at a time when most people would succumb to pure pressure & weakness long ago. Please know that you are not alone during this time. My family, friends and I are all here crying with you and our hearts are completely broken. If there is anything that we can do to help you, please let us know.

With Much Love,
Laura Figueroa & Family

Momma Lioness Michele said...

I don't know what to write, but I feel the need to write something, just to let you and your husband know that your beautiful Hunter is thought of and prayed for by this stranger. Your pain is a pain no parent should ever know. Your words are so full of expression, but your photos - the emotion of these photos just breaks my Momma-heart. I am so truly sorry. Please take care.

Ella xxx said...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your darling boy. Its been a year and three months since my precious little one last graced this earth with her beautiful soul - she and the other angel babies have taken Hunter under their wings now.

He will never be forgotten.

Jacquie said...

I'm just another stranger who found Hunter's story on another blog.

I have no words that can help you at this time, just know that I along with many others have you guys in our thoughts and our hearts.

Anonymous said...

I came across your story from another blog a couple of days ago. I can't seem to get little Hunter off of my mind and think of you all everynight before I go to bed at night. Please know that you are in the hearts and prayers of so many strangers across the country. I have snuggled my little boy so much more than usual over the past couple days because of your story. They are all so precious and dont deserve any of the pain that this awful disease brings. Please continue to use this blog as an outlet and let us all know how you and Zen are doing! Much love,
Shannon

juanita said...

Thinking of all the people hurting and missing sweet Hunter tonight, and his beloved parents the most.

Hunter had such a light around him - even when he was in pain. The fact that you nurtured such a beautiful spirit through such suffering speaks volumes about you as human beings and parents, and about Hunter as the superhero he was.

I am so terribly sorry for the hell you are living and continue to send the warmest and gentlest thoughts/vibes/prayers I can from my little corner of california.

Anonymous said...

We have never met, but I just want to send my sincerest prayers to your family. You have suffered every parent's worst nightmare, and I will hold my children closer to me tonight, I will be more patient with them, I will remember how precious they are in every moment because of your story. I am so very, very sorry for your enormous loss. I wish I could take a piece of your grief away and carry it for you. All I can do is send prayers and love from a stranger, and a mom.

May you find strength in the darkness.

Anonymous said...

i have no adequate words except to say that i am deeply sorry for your loss. what a beautiful little boy hunter was, and what brave and LOVING parents you both are. i'm so so so sorry. my heart hurts so very much from reading your sorry. sending you hugs and lots of love.

Anonymous said...

So very, very sorry. Praying for you.

Kerry said...

I am so sorry to hear Hunter is gone. He was such a sweet boy. He loved his wagon rides!!! My eyes are full of tears and their s not a comforting word I can think of. No words can match your pain..... Hunter's death is horrible! I am so sorry for your family....

juanita said...

Another day, and another message to let you know that I am sending hugs, prayers, & positive thoughts to you and Zen.

I cannot stop thinking about your beautiful family. The love you three share (I use the present tense because I believe that bond will never be broken) is fierce - it leaps out of your photos and is tangible in the words you've both written.

You and Zen were Hunter's world. You were his protectors and it is so obvious from your photos that home, for Hunter, was in his mommy and daddy's arms. You are incredible parents. You did everything possible to give Hunter the best life he could possibly have. You fought and fought and fought and fought for him. You never left his side...never.

Hunter did not deserve the cruel hand he was dealt; those who love and suffer without him do not deserve this pain, either.

I am so terribly sorry for all that you have lost.

xxxxx

Kelly said...

I keep coming back to see how you are. I can not even begin to imagine your pain, but I think of you three all the time. I hope you are coping as well as you can and I want you to know there are peole out here sending their love and prayers your way. I hope you can find some peace.

juanita said...

Sending prayers for peace, sleep, and strength.

j.

Karyn said...

Lenore & Zen,
I'm so sorry to hear about Hunter's passing. There are no words to comfort you and I know that the grief is overwhelming. Thank you for sharing your story so raw and honestly. Love and peace to you both,

Karyn

jamie banter said...

I am so terribly sorry. Thank you so much for so honestly sharing your journey with us no matter how heartbreaking it got. Your resilience has been inspiring. Hunter was a truly awesome little guy! My prayers for continued strength go out to you...

Anonymous said...

Hello, my name is whitney and i have a precious 3 wk old little boy named Gavin..After reading your heart-breaking blog about Hunter,i immediatley went to Gavin's bedside and just held him..You and your husband are so incredibly brave..I pray that God gives you both peace during this awful time in your lives.
May Hunter rest in peace and i will keep your family in my prayers.

Julie said...

My heart breaks for you. I don't know what to say other than I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your beautiful little man.

juanita said...

Still keeping you, Zen, Hunter and all of the people missing him in my thoughts and prayers. If only kind thoughts from strangers were enough to help ease the grief that consumes you.

The images of Hunter's last few moments here are so powerful and difficult to see, but when I think of your beautiful boy, it is his megawatt smile and your ferocious love that I think of.

It is the fact that Hunter looked like he could handle anything as long as mommy and daddy were with him. (And lord, what things you three had to endure together.)

Your love for Hunter and for each other are what I think of when I think of your child.

You ALL kicked cancer's ass, every single moment of every single day.

j.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry for the loss of your son Hunter. We now share a similar path that neither of us would have chose. The road ahead will be long and hard, that is a guarantee. What ever choices you both make from here on out, are all apart of the grieving process. Whatever you do, please take some part of yourself and turn it into something good, in Hunter's memory. He will live on in each of you. Raven Villa

Kelly said...

I don't know you, but I found your blog through CoolMom.com and just felt compelled to write.

I cannot even fathom your loss. Your sorrow must be so horrifically great. The words "I'm sorry" seem so small and inadequate and could never fill the gaping hole in your lives, but it's all I have to offer. I'm sorry for your unimaginable loss.

Hunter will not be forgotten by strangers who were not blessed by his physical presence. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Warrior against Childhood Cancer said...

I was sobbing as I read your last blog. I am so sorry about your precious little Hunter. Reading your blog took me back to two years ago when my husband and I had to watch our Little Miss Bailey die from Standard Risk Leukemia. She was 8 years young. Hunter sounds so much like her...our special little soul. Bailey fought against cancer for over four years with a smile on her face most of the time. We moved our family of six from California to Seattle so that she could have a life-saving bone marrow transplant. It didn't work, the cancer came back. Thank you for using your journey to raise awareness about childhood cancer. Like you, we felt that we would do our best to make the time a positive experience that would teach not only us but those around us. We never thought we would loose our Bailey girl in the end. I am now active in raising awareness about the huge lack of funding for Pediatric Cancer. It is something I will do until there are no more children dying from cancer. If you need to talk or scream or if you just need someone to listen...Matt Emerzian knows how to contact me. We will be praying for comfort and peace for both of you. Just take it a day at a time. God Bless, Kathy and Randy Rocha

Jessica said...

"Nobody really ever dies until they are no longer loved"....loving Hunter forever.

Thompson Tales said...

I was introduced to your story by Tara (BlondieNSC) a while back, and I have been reading ever since. I am so touched by your lives and Hunter, he fought such a hard battle. My heart is broken for you and your family. The loss is unbearable. I am so happy for the time that you had with Hunter here in this life and the lessons he taught all of us. May you know that your family is in our thoughts and prayers.

anna romer said...

Dear Lenore and Zen,
I met you both at my job a few days ago. I waited on you...brought you some drawn butter. We talked photography and gift certificates. I had no idea you both had recently been through something so heartwrenchingly tragic. I am so incredibly sorry that this has happend to you and to Hunter. I have stayed up all night reading your blog and I have tears running down my face. I wish you both the absolute best with everything ahead of you and wish you love and light.
my best,
anna romer

kensingtonlawyer said...

Dear Lorraine and Zen,

I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. I have been there, and though it seems impossible right now, things will get better, slowly and with time. I just wanted to tell you that I strongly believe you will see Hunter again. This life is not the end of the story; it is just the beginning. Trust in God and know that Hunter is right there with you, in your heart. I had an experience shortly after my daughter died from AML where she spoke to me and reassured me that she had not suffered. Her voice came out of nowhere and it was an amazing gift. Since that time, I can recount numerous instances where I have "felt" her near to me. If you are open to these experiences, they will often happen when you least expect them. It may sound crazy, but I have talked to other parents who have lost children who have had similar experiences.

I want to also tell you I am so happy for the new life you are welcoming into the world. I know it is bittersweet, but this precious new life will be a part of Hunter and the two of you. This new life will help you to always feel that Hunter is a part of your lives as you move forward.

God bless each and every one of you. I will continue praying for you all.

Love and prayers for you,

Monica Miyashita, Mom to ^Liddy^
www.caringbridge.org/visit/lydialimeieikomiyashita

Andie said...

I am so sorry -- We have lost touch over the years and I was looking for your contact info today and came across your website. There are no words to express my sadness in hearing about Hunter. I have thought of you guys often and can't imagine how difficult it must be for you. I love you and my heart breaks for your family. It is a struggle no parents should ever have to endure and no child should ever be victim of. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers.

Matthew said...

Through tears, I can only say I am so very sorry, Thank you for sharing and I hope some of my tears and sadness can take away some of yours. Sending you breath and prayers.

Katie said...

I am writing here even though I have never met you... you have touched my heart and soul with the story of your amazing little love, Hunter. I hope to NEVER EVER feel the pain and torture you experienced the day he passed - but somehow with your photos and words, I feel like I was there. I feel like my heart was just ripped out and my breath taken away.... I know that is only the start of what you feel.

I lost my unborn baby last year... I find the only thing that gets me through it is the knowledge that my baby is with her maker now.... I know that does't make it any better for us, though - we want our babies here.

God bless you - and thank you for sharing Hunter.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I knew that Hunter was not doing well and my heart sank when I got the email. I just looked at the post today because I knew the words would be ones that I hoped and prayed to never read. You will forever be in my prayers and your sweet boy Hunter.

Josh said...

I am deeply sorry for the loss of your beloved son, Hunter. He is truly an amazing young man to have fought as bravely as he did. I am sure that he is now enjoying his new life with the Lord Jesus in heaven, where there is no more sickness, sadness, tears, or death. Just remember that it's not a goodbye, but a farewell for now.

May God walk with you through these difficult times. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

Saw your journal today or a couple of days ago. Today is father's day. I was caught by your journal - because I totally feel what you feel except -- I am not as strong as you and I do stay in bed. Following your page -- took me to Hunter's page and I am inspired by you documenting Hunter and sharing Hunter with the rest of us. I didn't know him before but I know him now though you. It was the most detail capture of Hunter that I think any parent can do. I too, had lost a child before - one through medical abortion and one through adoption, and the feelings are very similar. I wanted to thank you for having the courage to record his life and share Hunter with us. I am moved and inspired, and I hope I have your courage to get up everyday and LIVE! Thank you!

Anonymous said...

I've just came across this page and read your post, my tears are still coming. I am truely sorry for your loss. Hunter's such an amazing boy and he'll be in my heart forever. Be proud of him and yourself as you did try all the best you could. I'm praying for you and your family everyday from now on and for Hunter's soul rest in peace. Thousands of love for your family and sweetheart Hunter.

Jen said...

There are no words.

I just want to say how sorry I am to hear about your beautiful Hunter. Sorry won't help much though I guess, but I couldnt say nothing.

You are so so brave, what child could have ever asked for better parents?

I hope in time you will be able to remember Hunter without the grief, just the happiness and giggles and bravery he displayed.

I don't believe in God, but i do believe that he is safe and happy and you will be with him again eventually.

Keep going strong, you are amazing wonderful people. My thoughts are with you.

xx

Anonymous said...

I came across your blog and I have to thank you for posting what had to have been the most difficult time of your life. I don't know you and you don't know me. I just read this and I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face. You and your husband are incredibly strong for being able to write about what you went through so real and so eloquently. Thank you and I will pray for you as you continue to celebrate your son's life and mourn his loss.

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to send a hello and let you know that you are still in our hearts and Hunter is still an inspiration for many and always will be. I'm not sure if this makes any sense to you, but God chose you for a reason. Nobody could have loved him the way you two did. Tonight I will pray for your strength in the coming weeks.

Vanessa
Miami, FL

ben said...

hey lenore it's ben (we've talked a few times on youtube and facebook) and once again i just wanted to say how sorry i am, i do know what it's like to battle diseases/disorders, it's horrible and it's something no one should have to go through. i also cannot get over what an amazing writer and poet u r, i quote ur poems ever chance my friends are sharing poetry, ur talent is truly inspiring. and once again i am sorry for ur loss, Hunter is in an amazing place now where he is free of disease and sickness and u will join him one day to make his new disease free home complete and perfect, shine on.

KQren Byrd said...

You were given an awesome gift..you had the honer of holding your baby @ ther beginning of his life, and you got to hold him and witness the last breath he'd ever take! He went peaceful, and you are honored to have a wife and husband and brand new baby-boy to share your memories with! i hope and pray i go before my daughter, but if not, I want to be there to guide her up to Jesus! I love you guys and I wont forget Hunter either! I was telling my daughter to look @ his videos w/me and she wouldn't, but she did look @ some of his photos! We both agree that he and Ryder could be twins! Lenore and Zen, you both make me happy knowing that you are out there spreading joy and inspiring a nation to love more,better, and harder!

Ralphs KQren41 said...

I AM PRAYING FOR ALL OF YOU! love and kisses, hugs and well wishes!

Anonymous said...

that is so sad :( God bless you and your family...

Rachel Starchman said...

I found a video of Hunter on youtube just today and came to your blog after watching his very last video. I sat here sobbing and reading your loving words. You shared some very intimate details and I am grateful for that. I can't even imagine your pain. I have 3 beautiful boys and I promise to hug them tighter, love them more and tell them about your sweet fighter of a boy. ((hugs)) You are amazing parents. I know Hunter is watching over you and so grateful for his little brother and that he can enjoy those fun Lightening McQueen toys and clothes. I wish I could hug you in person. Please know we are praying for you and sending good thoughts and vibes your way. Hunter's sweet little light and love will live on because of your amazing love.
Hugs and love from Arizona

mara tripi said...

lenore.....as another anniversary of when the angels came and took Hunter....to Heaven.......comes close......I had the need to come to Hunter's Blog.....and see his pictures...read your thoughts.....once again..and cry again. Hunter.....so many love you....your life has made such an impact on me.....and others. Your Mom and Dad....their hearts hurt.....without you in their life. I just know you are dancing your dance.........up there.......and bringing joy and laughter to those that you are with.....someday you will all be together again....until then....watch over Mom,Dad and your baby brother....and know that you are always in our hearts. XXX

Katie said...

I just read about Hunter after a The Truth 365 post. Your final post is amazing. What great loving and epdenicated parents. You are so strong and so is Hunter. What a beautiful angel you have.


Much love!

Katie said...

I just read about Hunter after a The Truth 365 post. Your final post is amazing. What great loving and epdenicated parents. You are so strong and so is Hunter. What a beautiful angel you have.


Much love!

Katie said...

I just read about Hunter after a The Truth 365 post. Your final post is amazing. What great loving and epdenicated parents. You are so strong and so is Hunter. What a beautiful angel you have.


Much love!

Lenore said...

Hunter's Last Video:

Rachel Starchman - ‎Lenore Davis, I wish so badly I could hug you in person. After watching Hunter's last video I had to go back and read your last few blog posts and listen to his song and watch that beautiful video again. I'm so grateful that you share this love and courage with us. He was and still is simply amazing. You and Zen are wonderful examples to us all of faith and love. Hunters light and courage is forever shining and lighting

Michele Evans Reitz - Lenore, I've never seen this. I am in awe of you and your husband's strength. It breaks my heart in a zillion pieces. I am so glad I've been working to raise money for LLS, and am so proud of the legacy you are leaving in Hunter's honor. You are truly one of the most inspiring people I've ever met. XXOO

Jenna Briola - You are so brave, Lenore & Zen.

Sarah Helmes Traffie - Thank you for sharing Lenore ♥

Jennifer Feeney - Sobbing. Remembering the Bean and everything he gave to us. Your family changed my life in so many ways, you and Zen are forever staples in my life.

Sue Brown ♥~♥~♥

Annette Smiraglia - God Bless Hunter....

Annie Shaughnessy Dauer - God Bless you guys. Hunter is simply amazing!

Katie Cortes - This makes me cry my eyes out no matter how many times I watch. I still can't believe your amazing strength... no wonder lil man was so strong. He has two amazing parents. Thank you so much for sharing Hunter with us.

Cathy Donovan Holt - Hunter did change our hearts forever....Lenore and Zen continue that love with all the amzing things they do for other sick children. Hunter is SOOOOO proud of that Legacy of love :) xoxoxo

Sharon Ann Cohen - in my daily thoughts and prayers..we fight o i his honor..Hunter you are not forgotten and this video shares your pain in a light many need to know. peace

Maggie Banda Compton - Beautiful, precious boy. ♥

Brooke Miller Coaching - Oh, baby boy... It is clear that he knew soooooooo much love, at least there's that.

Sarah Hobbs - I will never forget the day I met you and Hunter. Hugs to you, Zen and Ryder. ♥

Patty Ennis Weightman - He is beautiful.

Rosemary Schieble Cortinaz - ‎Lenore Davis when words cannot be spoken... HUGS!!!!

Carlina Terrana Womeldorph - Lenore, I watched and cried. Precious moments. Indeed difficult to watch!!

Kristen Davis - I still can't watch it... I started to awhile back and had to stop... : ( Xoxo I'm started to tear up just while writing this... You and Zen AMAZE me everyday... so lucky to be apart of this family...!

Michael Venzor - Love you and miss you!

Jacqueline Cannon Collot - I can't watch it. Too painful

Susan Sherwood - Such sweetness and love.....palpable. Heartwrenching indeed.

Lenore Davis - Thank you lovlies. Not sure why his last video started circulating around the Internet again, I wasn't meaning to post or share...it just absolutely breaks my heart. But it was so comforting to read your sweet words. Thank you. They helped brightened my day :)

Anonymous said...

I saw a video on youtube from hunter and clicked through to another video and another and came to visit your site. what a treasure of a child you had, such a beautiful boy, a fighter! angels have you boy taken to a paradise where he gives no pain and can rest. if you look at the movies and pictures you can feel such love, such heat! wonderful parents! I wish you much strength with all my heart!

a big hug
jasmine (Belgium)

(I tried to make everything as good as possible in English to translate, sorry for mistakes)

Unknown said...

I have been reading Hunters story for a year now as we have a 3 1/2 yr. old in our family with AML M-7 who relapsed 4 months after BMT and has been told all they can do for him now is try to control the cancer but it's just a matter of time before he goes to join Hunter in heaven. To make things worse he also has a genetic marker that prevents his parents from ever being able to have another child and not have the same thing. He is their only child and they ate having such a hard time with this knowing what is going to happen soon. You two we're the best with Hunters journey and always there for him. God Bless you both and seems he has blessed you with 2 more darling boys. Your so lucky for that. I admire your strength through out your hard times. Hunter was precious and lucky to have such loving parents.

Bel said...

I sobbed and felt physically ill as I read this and looked between your child and mine, just praying my story will be different. All we have is hope. Thank you for your story, as my child is newly discovered leukemia we are still at the start, he is in CR and we are traveling ok, i will continue reading through your story to take it all in. You are a beautiful family for celebrating his light. I doubt I could do the same, I don't even stop to think about it but i take from this how careful we need to be with our babies now, keeping them as safe as we can during treatment as it can be any of us no matter how strongly we believe it won't be.

Anita said...

Hello.

I came across your Youtube videos quite by accident. I saw your son's sweet face and had to have a look.
I've spent the last almost three hours watching your videos and reading your blog. My God I haven't cried, smiled and cried some more in ages. Such an emotional roller coaster.

Your son, your achingly adorable son, has become my hero as well. I know I will think of him whenever I believe an obstacle too tough or a moment too hard to endure. I'll think to myself, "Be strong like Hunter! Fight the fight like Hunter!" No lie here, I have a renewed vision of life, to live it the best I can for as long as I'm allowed. Your story has touched me deep in my heart and I thank you for sharing it. I truly do.

I'd give my soul for you to have that precious baby back in your arms, I would.

Thank you again. Thank you for sharing yours and Hunter's journey. I am forever changed.

<3

Anonymous said...

Don't even really know what to say to you...just another stranger who accidentally landed here! Just reading your blog is heartbreaking. This is the ugly truth of childhood cancer. Not just cute pictures of sweet bald kids. People need to see and feel your truth. Maybe then the time and money will be spent on finding a cure. No parent and child should ever have to go thru this.